First Christmas in Heaven

I saw countless Christmas trees around the world below,
with tiny lights like heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but, the sound of music cannot compare with the choir they have up here.
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring
It is far beyond description to hear the angels sing

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really are not apart
So be happy for me dear ones, You know I hold you dear
and be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

I sent you each a special gift from my heavenly father above
I sent you each a memory of my undying love
After all love is a gift more precious than pure gold
It was always most important in the stories that Jesus told

Please love each other, as my father said to do
for I can't count the blessings of the love he has for each of you
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
remember I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year


This is our first Christmas without Todd. I will be the first to admit I have been depressed and sad. I took over 2 weeks off for Christmas and I am beginning to think that was a bad idea. You see, people are therapy for me. I could never stay home and not work. I would be on every anti-depressant that was made.

Depression runs in our family genes and I have to constantly fight it. However, I have given in to it and I know it. It started Wednesday night. We went to see Todd's kids in their Christmas program at Converse First Baptist. On Thursday I went to help Rooter with some costumes for their Christmas program and I left to pick up Lindsey from school. I was suppose to go back to her house when I picked Lindsey up but I came home and went to bed. I didn't even call her and tell her I wasn't coming. I did not want to talk to anyone and have pretty much avoided everyone.
I woke up this morning and I said to myself, It is my Saviors birthday today, father please help me pull it together. Let me be happy and content. Help me overcome this. As, I always say, God has not let me down yet and he will not today or tomorrow or the next.

All kinds of memories cascade through my mind like a waterfall. I cannot stop them. Sometimes I fell as though I will drown in the sheer abundance of them. Most of my memories are good ones. from the second I arrived on the scene of the automobile accident my life swiftly changed. From that second forward, I knew my life would never be the same.

As I celebrate the birth of Jesus today I can't help but have a heavy heart. I wish my brother was here to share it with me. I miss him so much. I never thought he would leave in such a hurry. However, I am thankful that he shared with me, where he would spend eternity, just the day before his death. His life on earth was cut short, and I have so many questions that need answers, but I found peace in knowing that he was sure that he would spend Christmas with Jesus.