Coming Home

I know, I know- I have said it 10 times. But she really is this time. Mom will be staying in the comfort of her bed tonight. Yippeeee!! I will be so glad to get her home. I moved a few of her things last night. Therefore, I know it for sure now. She is excited about it...

It has been a healing process for us all. Including Mama. I know mama is exactly where God needed her to be. We (siblings) needed our time to greive and mama needed her time. I know it all was in God's plan. Mama has been such a blessing to the care-takers at Valley Falls. I know they are really going to miss her. When she first went to the home she was so upset because she was there. During her 100 day stay she grew to love the home, the other patients and the care-takers. The caretakers were a blessing to mama, but before it was over with, God used mama to be a blessing to them.

They felt sorry for mama because of all she has been through. Losing her baby has not been easy for her. In fact, she tells me it is hard to believe he is not coming home. She has so many things to tell him.... I'm sure she will always miss him. Just as we do... It has forever changed our lives. I don't know if I will ever be the same. It has been such a difficult thing to deal with. We have all had to find out own way to deal with the pain, the loss, and the truth.

As I was packing mama's things last night, I knew my un eventful weekends would be over with. The truth of the matter is, I have missed taking care of mama. My life has been so out of wack. No normality. No routine. Although I knew mama was being fed, taken care of, being loved. I wanted to be the one doing those things. Starting today I will.

Maybe now I can balance my check book, deep clean my house, get things accomplished at work. Maybe now, I will have my mind back where I can actually focus on something. It has all been like a dream to me. I have not balanced my check book in 4 months. I have not paid my bills on time, I have not really enjoyed doing anything. I have not even kept in touch with my friends.

The thing about it is everyones lives around me have all went back to normal, Mine never will.

I know people don't understand... and that's okay. I know the world don't stop for me.. Because I know one day there world will be rocked too and everything will change unexpectantly. The thing about it is, everyone expects you to be the same and you want to be but it is just not in you...

But the most important thing is MAMA IS COMING HOME!!!!